Finding Your Path Without Comparison

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
– Theodore Roosevel

I almost want to stop there, because that quote sums it up. But I want to dig deeper and figure out why we keep falling into this trap of comparing ourselves to others and how we can start focusing on our own path.

We all compare ourselves to other people. That’s just human nature. We want to know how we’re doing in sports, work, or life. Sometimes it helps us push harder, but it often just makes us feel like we’re not enough. We don’t need to do this, but it’s a tough habit to break.

The problem arises when we look at someone else and feel we’re coming up short. We start to think we’re “less than” because of one thing we see. I put “less than” in quotes because it’s just our opinion. It’s not reality. In book “The Courage to Be Disliked”, there’s this idea that “All problems are interpersonal relationship problems.” So much of our unhappiness comes from how we compare and relate ourselves to others.

The Flawed Logic of Comparison

And let’s be honest: comparing yourself to someone else doesn’t make much sense. We don’t know their full story. We don’t know what they’ve gone through, what they’ve given up, or whether they’re even happy. All we see is that one thing, maybe they got the promotion or ran a faster race, and we think that’s the whole picture. But as Meditations by Marcus Aurelius puts it, “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” He reminds us that most of our suffering is in our minds, not from what’s happening.

There’s another thing to remember. If you’re not willing to swap lives with someone—all of it, not just the good parts—then there’s no point in comparing yourself. You can’t just say, “I want that person’s success,” without taking on their stress, sacrifices, loneliness, or missed family time. In The Courage to Be Disliked, there’s this line: “You are the only one who can assign meaning to your life.” Comparing doesn't add up until you’re ready to trade everything.

Your Unique Strengths

We all have our strengths. I always used to feel like I wasn’t good enough at programming. Other people just seemed to pick it up so much faster. But I realized over time that I had pretty good people skills, and I leaned on that to carve out my niche. There are things I’m naturally better at, but I only noticed what I wasn’t good at for a long time. If there’s a skill you want to get better at, go for it. Work hard, practice, give it your all. But if it’s not true to who you are, maybe don’t waste your time. Instead, figure out what makes you different, what you’re naturally good at, and use that to your advantage.

There’s no single path to a goal. My dream was to work in security, and I made it, but my path didn’t look like anyone else’s. It wasn’t a straight line. That’s okay. I found my way, and it worked for me. You can do the same.

So, how do you figure out what you’re good at?

Journaling can help a lot. Marcus Aurelius journaled his whole life, using it to figure himself out and keep his mind clear. Taking a few minutes to write things down helps you see patterns and get to know yourself better.

If you’re not sure where to start, here are a few prompts:

• When do I feel most alive or engaged? What am I doing at those times?
• What do friends, colleagues, or family often ask me for help?
• What challenges have I overcome that others might find difficult?
• What would it be if I could spend an entire day doing one thing (without worrying about money or status)?
• What comes easily to me that seems hard for others?
• What values or principles am I unwilling to compromise on?

You don’t have to write pages and pages; jot down whatever comes to mind. Over time, you’ll start to see what you’re good at and what matters to you.

Don’t let comparison steal your energy or your joy.

“Do not waste what remains of your life in speculating about your neighbors,”
- Marcus Aurelius

Just do your thing, trust your process, and keep moving forward.

Remember, the only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

See You Soon!